FANFARRON by Dennis Doph (Wagenblatz)

Parallel Universe. 31

Out of the ether of the bold Brazilian jungle
Comes the quirky term "Fanfarron"
Term used deliberately to raise a bone
In a sexual connotation one must not bungle

Term meant to be used with much asperity
To describe one who is not what he might be
Once one has seen the surface of what he might see
...but beneath that? Nothing of any clarity

Such as the brilliant superstar Madonna
Who tries to pass herself off as the Queen of Sex
She'd better be prepared to cash in her checks
Before they're cancelled. And, for her Honna
None of us could possibly disagree
She should stop making punk flicks like W/D.
Her vaginal exertions might raise a blista
She is a High megaton Fanfarronista.

Then there is the once-superboy Adam Sandler
This whey faced fool sure needs another handler
Though he thinks his boyish ways are still cute
Audiences have given this piece of dreck the boot
Before the memory of his former cuteness is gone
He can be nailed as another Fanfarron.

Then there is Doris Day; once the Pinkest of Pinks
Thirty years is a long time between drinks
Before she put her butch DA in a bun
She should have played lustful Mrs Robinson
Or stood beside those other elderly Dollies
To play the stay-at-home gal in Sondheim's Follies.
Upping the ante at 87 cannot raise that blista
She's been exposed as one more Fanfarronista.

Even more succinctly, Mitt Romney's brain is swimmin
As he endorses his party's War on Women
These bastards really should lay off this tack
What they're proposing cannot be taken back
So before he prepares to don the Presidential Robe
Let's see what his bony butt can do with a vaginal probe.
On Gingrich! On Santorum! On Karl Rove! On Donner!
They have all been outed as Fanfarroner.

ADRIENNE RICH by Dennis Doph (Wagenblatz)

Parallel Universe . 30

In all the world of poetry
From Elizabeth Bishop to Gertrude Stein
I've been able to find some little something
Which is absolutely mine
In the world of the exalted Adrienne Rich
There is no Stimulus to stim
For all of fucking Adrienne Rich
Is so goddamned fucking grim
I'd rather gag on the grossest Ferlinghetti
Than be stuffed with one more word of this Brown Betty
But I have found one thankful fact to muse upon, instead:
She is dead.
So, among life's great treasures,
Thank God for small pleasures!

NOTHING IS FOREVER by Wagenblatz

Parallel Universe. 29

"Nothing is forever", said Bogie to Claire Trevor,
Pushing Robinson into the tub,
Out there on the floor lay Old Man Barrymore
Lying in for a lanolin rub.

"Forever is nothing," said Lionel to his sister,
As she paired off and squared off against Cary,
"For if the truth be told you are far too old
And Cary is way far too merry."

"Nothing is handy," said Cary to Randy,
As Skip Homeier crawled in between,
"and wherever we go there's always Amigo
Unzipping and gripping the scene."

So Trevor wore fuschias and Bogie got abushias
And Robinson ate his cigar,
Behind Barrymore's shiner was tiny Luise Rainer
Pretending she once was a star.

"No one is able," said wee Betty Grable,
As she reeled off some improbable names,
At the top of her flower was twee Tyrone Power
And up her bottom was Harry James.

"I'm able to dig it," said Billie at the spigot,
Preparing to tie off her arm,
But as she shot up that damned Carm MacRae pup
Proceeded to dish out the charm.

"Dig it and bury it," said Van from his chariot,
Using Hodiak's pubics for floss,
While still on his belly he was trod on by Gene Kelly
Who treated all of Metro as dross.

"Dross is so gross," cried Lansbury of Angela,
Smearing on Factor #5,
Tripping on the stair she tripped over Frank Langella
Blowing Burl when his "Ives" was only "Ive".

"I've done this before," said Big Burl to Charles Bickford,
Stepping over the Franchot of Tones,
"and once through this door we will act like before
And both shtupp Miss Jennifer Jones."

"My Jones is erected," said Gable as he connected
With loverly Marilyn at Reno.
Marilyn got even more grand as she jumped on Montand
And blew out Thelma Ritter at Keno.

Ah, big stars and little, pretentious and brittle
Rolling over each other like tanks
Where Mayer was once merry there soon was Dore Schary
Who proceeded to trim all their ranks.

"This is all kind of looney," said dear Mickey Rooney
Thinking himself an imperishable star,
Now he's a vague ninety-three, as forgotten as can be
Just as off-track as dear dead Jack Paar.

Nothing is forever in this crazy endeavor
Nothing is what it is cracked up to be
Nothing could be finer than tiny Luise Rainer
As she hoves up one One Hundred and Three
Claire Trevor was more clever but she didn't last forever
Like Luise at One Hundred and Three.