SO GODDAMNED HUNGRY by Wagenblatz

Parallel Universe . 28

Slog around here with my jock in my hand
Wondering if I have disposed myself
To a life of unwanted celibacy
Nobody's hungrier than a fool like me
Gonna rip myself right off of the shelf
Terribly foolish, terribly grand

Whacked out, stressed in this Stone Dyke town
So goddamned hungry for a really hairy man
So goddamned hungry for a big thick cock
To plunge into me like a sexual rock
Wanna rub my maleness off on his tan
Milk an Assgasm off on his frown.

Tired , so tired of these Santorum nuts
Leached-out kids looking like they've been strained
Through a piece of cheesecloth like buttermilk
Like to kick each and every whelk
Whacked-out Daddy So pouty and pained
Would like to kick all of their goddamned butts.

And this piece of shit, pretending to be Yer Daddy
Expanding his La Jolla house to 8000 squares
Braggin' 'bout his buds who OWN Nascar racers
Like to use a pair of Art Gum Erasers
To rub out both of these Teaparty Squares
So proud and haughty; so Perc-Westmore ruddy

Walk the streets of sexless Santa B
Erection pushing me along State Street
Wearing out the crotch in my Territory Ahead
Walking shorts; I'd rather be dead
Than relegate myself to the lack of body heat
Needed by a great big bear like me.

So goddamned hungry! Play with me, Buck
And give yourself over to a friction fuck.

VERY VERY BIG MOUSTACHE by Wagenblatz

Parallel Universe . 27

Wednesday morn we took our Prius
Down to Downtown Montecito
Von's Store there was having a sale on
Brisket of beef. Oh my!

Store spread over several pricey acres
Montecito acres. Von's far as the eye
Could see What one saw Right off the bat
Whoever had the responsibility
For hiring men They had to be
Very, very gay

Everyone from boxboys straining muscle
Under tight VON'S hoodies To section managers
Sixtysomething men in pristine white shirts
And tasteful ties, beefy shoulders flexing
Provocatively
Under pristine white

The Manager of Managers
Slight, lean, handsome, late fifties
Hairy stud top with a very very big moustache
Big hairy hands with long fingers
an amazing bulge just below the belt buckle

Knew where the Cold Room was; somehow
Was obliged to ask:
"Where is the Cold Room?"

He intoned a husky radio baritone
"Just to the left of the Cheese Bar;
Watch your step going in; it's dark."

Just what I wanted to know.

Toyed around the Cheese Bar
for a couple of minutes Making
Sixtysomething Dad with the great shoulders
Go into an agony of shoulder-flexing

Took myself into the dim recesses
Of the Cold Room, there
At the end of the aisle
With the non-alcoholic beer
The Manager of Managers stood
Stroking
His very very big moustache with one hand
An amazing rock hard penis with the other

My knees hit the floor
Faster than Monica Lewinsky
With her Kneeling Pillow in the Lincoln Room.

MEAT by Dennis Doph (Wagenblatz)

Parallel Universe. 26

My table is groaning with viands galore
The dinnerware came from the very best store
My grapes are all glittering; the pink ones are blushing
Like the blood to my cheeks which is ever more rushing
For my gluttonous dinner's going down to defeat
From the lack of the ingredient known as FRESH MEAT.

I've recently supped at the very best tables
Seen hairy calves rivalling those which were Grable's
Eaten ripples and triples of nipples at Frisco
Then Anthony took me to the Powerhouse Disco
Peeled me off a young Sicilian, erotic and sweet
And THERE was a chunk of the very best meat

But he knelt on his knees and presented his backside
Which surely was not his most out-of-whack side
Gave me his mouth which performed wondrous deeds
ALMOST all of the benison a Bully Beef needs
But this Bully Beef needs to be put into heat
By eight inches or more of miraculous meat.

Hied me down to Orange County that Republican Fief
Seeking a big chunk of social relief
From the man known as Gary with the body from hell
And a perilous penis which rings every bell
To make matters better, he brought 'long his Bud
Flashing a Meat Pie the size of a spud
Then they had at me and they had at each other
Each Bully Beef broaching the butt of his brother
Finally we were exhausted, each holding his Worm
Covered with hickies, bubbling sperm

Now I'm headed to Rome where men so hirsute
Always tempt me to push in my snoot
Into their Bearlike crevices, with my Piglike ways
To be a Rim Pig for the rest of my days
The one thing that rescues me from these ideas insular
Is the sight of a glistening Man peninsula.

Oh, Meat, Meat, you ephemeral thing
Just the ticket to make all my chimes ring
As you push your Own Self into my receptive mouth
And that other orifice located just slightly south
Nothing has me lactating than accum-commodating
Another big chunk of glorious Meat!

the ROOF OF THE CAR by Dennis Doph

Parallel Lives. 25

Oh, Mitt strapped the dog to the roof of the car.
Yes, he strapped poor Seamus to the roof of the car.
Montreal bound, Mitt had set a quota of pit stops,
Giving not one iota
While five brawling boys rode inside of the car.

Left Grosse Pointe about a quarter to one
Mitt had not planned to stop before lovely Akron
In the middle of Ohio Seamus howled like a husky
Shitted and pissed all over Sandusky
While the poor bitch was strapped to the roof of the car.

Boys saw diarrhea rolling down the side
Seamus on the roof howled and pissed and cried
Mitt cried, "Jeepers!" and "Nentely-Crima!"
Hosed the poor beast down at Lima
Leaving the poor bitch strapped to the roof of the car.

Mitt now tells us he would be the best man for the Job
Giving us corn ... also giving us the cob
Before this anecdote is effectively closed,
Tell me: who do you think will wind up getting hosed?
While we all are strapped to the roof of the car.

EUCHARISTIC ADORATION by Wagenblatz

Parallel Universe. 24

There in the nave of Ave Maria Cathedral
Kneeling on their bumpy bony knees
The Adoration of Agnus Dei society
Knelt, prayed, thrashed each other
All vying to be more God-fearing, more
Gay-hating, more Woman-bashing
Than his whip-wielding neighbor.

Newt Gingrich came in with Callista
She was dressed as Joan of Arc
Carrying a stake followed by six Agnus Dei students
from Georgia, and a pile of faggots
(not to be confused with their pals)
They were prepared to burn Callista at the stake
Right there in the nave of Ave Maria
Terrified, she pantsed Newt before all and sundry
Pried open his enormous anus malformatus
Used her nose for a probe. Newt waved to the crowd
Promised he and Callista would start their Moon Colony
Before November; and, if elected, the price of gas
Would revert to 25 cents a gallon The way it had been
Under Ike.

The crowd roared. Then Sam Brownback Governor
of Kansas came in with his retinue 25 members of the
Shawnee Tribe near Topeka; to a man they stripped
to red white & blue thongs and lacerated poor Sam
Which amused Catholics in Topeka; they remembered
When switch-hittin' Sam was a Democrat.

Then the crowd went wild as Rick Santorum, his skanky
wife (who looks like she has been squeezed out of a tube
of toothpaste) and his seven malnourished children (same)
paraded in to the cheers of the foule. The Archbishop of
Kansas City elevated the Host; it was a dildo in the shape
of Santorum's penis.

A small Host, but a Host nonetheless. Newt cringed as
Callista once again used her letter opener nose on his
fundament; Brownback's blood was running in the aisle
of Pew Seven.

All screamed:

AGNUS DEI! AGNUS DEI! AGNUS DEI!

Now we know where this is going. Not to the White House.
What happened to Rick Santorum as an altar boy? Wanna guess?

Yeah. You're right. That's why MAN ON DOG is a mild
epithet coming from his bee stung lips.

Draw your own conclusions.